Journaling Thru My Nemesis
I sit alone in my four cornered room. Staring at candles, and four walls just staring at a brother. I sometimes lose myself within my thoughts and try to figure out where I got lost. If I remained lost at what cost would it be to me. Dreams not achieved, happiness so far out of reach and positivity at the brink of my feet. I know success is at the tip of the peak. I know not to worry cause when my day comes no skeletons of dreams not lived or regrets will come to see me in my sleep.
Fighting yourself to maintain positivity is the hardest fight you’ll ever have, and that struggle to stay your course to be that person you want to be is me playing offense. My nemesis is so close to me and far away at the same time. It happens to be someone so close to all of us: Discipline/ Time management. I’ve struggled for many days, months, years having myself in the wrong place, right time or right place, wrong time. I have allowed inhibitors within my life to have me fall short which Discipline had been my weakness and drastic changes have occurred in my life from once being in the service to getting arrested on multiple occasions. I would like to say ever since committing to myself to embark on this journey through yogic studies and lifestyle practices my life has forever been changed. There are so many times throughout a day that my mind just wanders during a workout, at work, anywhere honestly, and what I’ve found valuable in this new practice for me are the meditations guided and non-guided, pranayama and asanas. Just the other day I had taken a journey to up the top of Stone Mountain, I had done Sun Salutation A and a guided meditation all for the scenery of course. The euphoric but calming feeling of what had come over me at that moment was nothing but GOD with his blissfulness and ease who told me to say thank you for my past because you have set me on the right path.
While in meditation a lot of what would come to mind used to seem overwhelming but as the days went on I continued to meditate and the fear of what was outside of my control would then digress. I kept telling myself everything I’ve been thru will make me stronger. I’ve learned now to accept the present moment as it is and strive to make a change in my habits. My perfect imperfections of what makes me human is also what helps me grow.
Hitting back discipline with a positive reaction has been my best solution, and what I’ve learned from many of my elders is that you’re never too late to get a fresh start. So this is where the adventure begins every morning; I wake up with good intentions by listening to meditation and stretching to warm up my body and loosen up my tight joints. I now put myself on a routine of attention towards eating, spending, sleeping etc, that continues to help me a creature of habit to reflect on who I am becoming. I have been working on this assignment so long before the program that it made easy to speak on my thoughts and emotions once given a platform. It's been because of discipline that I am now encouraged and empowered to see him as a friend rather than a Foe. He gives me a burning desire in my heart to be better inwardly and outwardly every day for I know the good you see in me is the discipline revealed through me. As an athlete, I was coached and mentored to never break down but break through the barriers that challenge me. What I come to realize no longer being on the field but on the mat it’s still the same game; Mind over matter and Discipline is still King!!!
Adric Devon Samuel